Not much to report this week – a fairly quiet one for everyone – but here are the so-called ‘highlights’:

• I achieved a seven-ball finish at pool on Thursday night. Only my third in 54 years, so at this rate I’m due another in 2043, assuming I can still see the table by then.

• Sarah came 3rd in the backstroke at Saturday’s gala, her least favourite stroke! Either she’s improving, or everyone else was having a shocker.

• Jamie cleaned the inside of his car (again). The outside, however, remains a mud-splattered tribute to off-road rallying. He did buy two new front tyres, so at least part of the vehicle is roadworthy.

• Sue booked her car in for a service and, in an uncharacteristic act of defiance, wiped the cobwebs off the windows. The spiders returned the next day with reinforcements. A bold move, but ultimately futile.

• Lucas had his first swimming lesson with Charlotte. Early reports suggest he splashed a lot and came home soggy but proud. A promising start to a long and chlorinated journey.

• Nan returned from holidaying in Wales, having realised she hadn’t packed enough of her tablets to stay any longer. Probably just as well, the sheep were beginning to look suspicious.

• England rugby team beat Samoa, so we marked the occasion with a BBQ in the garden. Nothing says national pride like slightly charred sausages and lukewarm beer.

• Chocolate and Honey (the guinea pigs) gorged themselves on windfall pears from the garden. For a brief moment, they looked dangerously close to ending up on skewers. Fortunately for them, they were too stuffed to run, and we were too full to chase.